Countless times a week I am asked about our plans to expand our family both by strangers and even others who are aware of our struggles with infertility.
When are you going to have more?
Don’t you want to have a girl?
Are these your only two?
I proudly reply that we couldn’t be happier with our perfect family of 4, but deep down I am thinking about how complicated and painful my response could really be.
There will come a day when my boys begin asking us where they came from and possibly why they don’t have other siblings.
To most people who do not know or understand the battle we fought, we look like a young family with two energetic, sweet little boys.
It may not seem that unreasonable to think that we are planning on having more children, maybe a girl.
The most recent inquisition inspired me to write this letter to my kids because regardless of how they got here or the make-up of our family, I want them to know how uniquely special they are to their daddy and I.
Dear Sweet Angels: A Letter to My Kids About Our Infertility:
Dear perfect little angels:
Your existence on this earth is a beautiful miracle, one that I am eternally thankful for. You are miracles that I prayed and hoped for ever since I was a little girl.
In my 20’s, I loved babysitting for my friends because I could have a few cherished hours of pretending to be a mom.
When your daddy and I were ready to start our family, life presented us with some unique challenges and because of that we may be different from other families.
We want you to know how truly
special you are and that you mean everything to us, so when you are curious about where you came from, know these things:
You were worth fighting for:
I couldn’t wait to be your mom so that I could hear your little coos and feel your tiny hands wrapped around my fingers.
The years that we waited were long and difficult, but I wouldn’t take them back.
The unconditional, immediate love we felt the day we first heard your heartbeats on an ultrasound melted my heart! While the days that we awaited your arrival were painful and endless, we were given the opportunity to dream about the moment we brought you into our loving home.
We focused on our marriage, showed each other unconditional love, and had some fun as a couple. There isn’t a single moment of those years that I would change because, through that fight, I became YOUR mommy.
My love for your daddy lies deep in my heart:
The day I met your daddy, I instantly fell in love. I truly believed that I couldn’t be more in love with him than the day I married him. Over the challenging years that we tried to start our family, I fell even more deeply in love with him.
He is selfless, kind hearted, and uniquely thoughtful. Everyday he reminds me of the blessing we have as a strong, healthy couple, with the kind of love from a Nicholas Sparks novel.
I know the years of dealing with infertility, defeating doctors appointments and endless days of an emotional wife took its toll on him. He stood by my side, held my hand and hid his pain to support me day in and day out.
You are two very lucky boys because your daddy will teach you how to be a strong and honorable men. Be proud to be his sons and learn from the way he loves, because it is truly special!
Be kind, be thoughtful:
Remember that every person you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.
Everyone has something going on in their lives that is challenging for them. They might be walking around with smiles, but never underestimate the fact that they may be hiding their pain.
Be sensitive, be kind, and choose your words wisely because everyone is battling something.
Cherish your family:
Family is the most fundamental thing you have to stand beside you. Each one is different, embrace that!
We are a happy foursome that will always be there for each other. You never know the story behind how a family came to be, but honor the unique love that every family holds dear.
You completed our family and for that we count our blessings every day.
Believe:
Life is going to present you with hard times; take them on and believe that somehow, some way it will work out!
The most valuable lesson I have learned through infertility is that miracles are possible. Many days were dark and discouraging, but I forced myself to believe that someday something miraculous would happen.
Each and everyday, that miracle exists in you.
When life gives you lemons my loves, embrace it, show some grit, and make lemonade, I promise you, it is worth it. You sure are! Your daddy and I love you to the moon and back!
What do you want your kids to know about your battle with infertility? Although very personal, we would be honored to hear your thoughts.
Chat with us in the comments below.
